LETTER 02

I’ve been thinking a lot about time lately.

A few weeks ago, we crossed the two-year anniversary of Henry’s passing, and in the weeks leading up to it, I noticed how my thoughts were solely driven by time: The two-year anniversary is coming; Henry only lived ten years. And the most daunting - I have to live forty more years like this.

And one thing that I’ve been meditating on lately is the idea that time has a totally different meaning to God. I may even go so far as to say that He has no concept of time - not like we do here on earth anyway.

Think about it… our entire existence revolves around time. We wake up at a certain time, have meeting times, and pickup times, and dinner times. We count birthdays and anniversaries. And then there’s always the ultimate clock ticking as we count down to our final day here on earth.  From the moment we open our eyes - thanks to an alarm clock, nonetheless - our entire day revolves around time.

Time absolutely runs our earthly existence.

 I’m not sure time means the same thing to God that it does to us?

 What if August 26, 2024 wasn’t Henry’s clock stopping - his existence ending - but simply the moment his existence here transformed into something else?

 What if Henry simply went “back to the source” as C.S. Lewis would say in A Grief Observed.

 I’ve spoken a lot over the years about my love and respect for Buddhism, and there is a similar idea there, too: death is not a final end, but a natural transition. Our consciousness, our energy, continues, even as the form it takes changes. Like a flame passing from one candle to another.

 And then there’s science. One of the most fundamental laws of physics is the conservation of energy: energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be transferred or transformed into another form.

 So even in the physical world around us, transformation is everywhere. Energy changes form; matter changes form. Very little in this strange universe seems to simply disappear into nothing.

 As I’ve been studying the Bible, one of many things God seems to have wanted me to notice is all the times death is described as sleep, and also places where the words are used interchangeably. Here are a few examples:

“O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death..."
“And many of those who sleep in the dust of the earth shall awake..."
“Your dead shall live; their bodies shall rise. You who dwell in the dust, awake and sing for joy!"

It seems that, from God’s perspective, there is some connection between sleep and death.

I imagine Henry is sleeping right now, and when he wakes up, when Jesus returns, it will be like waking from anesthesia. (That’s how my very limited earthly brain sees it, anyway.) So all that time while he was sleeping… there was no time at all.

Looping back - maybe there was no two-year anniversary to “live through.” I’m just still… here. In this place and in this form.

It’s been over 2,000 years since Jesus said He would return. And because my entire life revolves around clock-time, that gap feels extraordinarily long to me. In fact, it’s caused me to doubt before.

But what if it’s this very gap that is giving us the opportunity to participate in THE THING that is so much bigger than us.

This gap—this looooong time—could be the very thing—the only thing—that gives us the opportunity to participate in a relationship with the Creator of all things. This gap is the how and the where we meet Him. Where we are given the option to open our hearts, our eyes to see, our ears to hear - or turn away.

An opportunity to find a peace that surpasses all understanding. Not a way out of the desert, but a way through it. A way to make it through this journey on earth.

What if this gap of time is the most important part of our existence?

In my Bible study, I’m only as far as Luke, so I haven’t made it to Peter yet. But after writing the first draft of this letter, I decided to look up what Scripture says about time. I found this…

“With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish...”

 As some understand slowness…

 Not wanting anyone to perish…

There’s this song… I don’t know how many times I’ve listened to it since Henry passed… it’s called Come Jesus Come by CeCe Winans. Give it a listen.

Well, that’s it for today. I hope you enjoyed this journey into my mind. It’s a… a lot sometimes.